You know what aggravates me for some reason? People, particularly men, who wear snow hats year round. I know, I know, to each their own and this is both petty and judgmental. At the same time, it’s 75 degrees outside and this asshole is dressed like fucking Nanook of the goddamn North! I feel like I am walking around in an insane asylum. Are you really that cold? Are you that terrified of your ears catching a chill? Is this some sort of snow boarder culture thing that I have yet to be told about? Are you so pumped to hit the freshy pow pow that you need to be ready to roll at a moments notice? Can we please cut it out.
The roommate and I were supposed to “talk” today about how he is dating the girl I was just dating. He no-showed. I am not really sure if I care. It was as amicable a break up as could be, and I am not especially hurt or sad about the whole thing. In fact, I kinda feel bad for the poor guy, as he has no idea what he is getting himself into. That being said, espcially considering that all three of us work together, both he and she totally crossed a line in the sand and I can kinda do whatever I like with very minimal repercussions. Taking this into account, I am still not sure what to do when they show up at our place together for the first time. I see myself as having 4 options:
A) Act super nice to both of them and make everyone feel totally comfortable (except myself, of course).
B) Avoid them at all cost (the coward’s way out).
C) Act super snarky and make everyone feel uncomfortable (greatest humor/blogging potential).
D) Act as if it is no big deal, like they didn’t cross a major line in the sand and that I couldn’t care less about who he or she is dating.
I am leaning on option D. I think it makes me look and feel the best while confusing everyone else the most.
"What the fuck are you talking about? The Chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I’m talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT… Also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please." -Walter
Boss (walking up behind me):What's that you're doing?
Me:Filling out a bracket.
Boss (half joking):Is that what we pay you for?
Me:No, but I'll be honest with you: I plan on spending a lot of time following the tournament over the next few days. So will everyone else, but they'll try to hide it. Not me. I'll still get my shit done.
Boss:I appreciate your honesty. As long as you do your work, I don't care what you do.
If I hadn't seen the space shuttle launch, I might have set the place on fire when I left.
me:They still do those, huh. That must have been nice.
We sure have accomplished some shit as a species.
W:It was pretty bitching. People went into space.
me:Take that Cro-Magon!!
W:Nice stick, f--
W:Oh, and I honestly did get into a fight 5 minutes after getting into Logan.
Fucking shuttle driver.
W:The side of the bus says it's going to the port. The electronic board says the Blue Line. People are confused. He starts screaming about people asking him questions. I scream back, "Calm the fuck down and drive, chief. You run the fucking bus at the airport. People are going to be confused. Are you fucking new?"
The "chief" as always makes it, just to be sure he knows what's up.
W:"Are you new?" has become one of my go-to humiliators.
W:But, yeah. 5 minutes. Oh, how I love Boston.
me:I love when people get all uppity about doing their job.
W:And it can't be all that tough to say "Blue Line." I'm not asking for fucking directions to Wareham.
me:I kinda miss getting into fights with strangers. It just really, really doesn't fly here, like at all, in any way.
I have started and stopped mid sentence a couple of times, and everyone I am with looks at me in total shock.
me:Who the fuck does.....never mind. <hangs head>.
And now I have a meeting. later on .
W:Yeah. I generally don't do it in front of C., but 3 days in Florida, too many flights, waking up at 5am ...
“I don’t know how he does it. I respect his stamina. Most of the food that he’s been eating, I’ve had. I’ve got to hand it to the guy for being able to get up in the morning and face nothing but lizard parts and testicles, especially in some tropical climate without the benefit of alcohol. I honestly don’t know how he does it. I would have hung myself in the shower stall.”— Anthony Bourdain on Bizarre Foods With Andrew Zimmern.
“Just because you deserve the benefit of the doubt doesn’t mean you’ll always get it. Sometimes you have to work against people’s fears, and just plain prove them wrong, fair or not. It’s usually not that hard— unless you trip yourself up.The easiest way to do that, of course, is to get pissed off that they doubted you in the first place.Your anger and resentment will knock you on your ass more swiftly then their distrust ever could. Let it go.Yes, their misgivings are unfair and unjustified—but hanging onto that, instead of what you need to do—will just end up proving them right.”— My Horoscope. (A few weeks too late)
As of sometime this week, I am single again. While I don’t particularly enjoy dating or meeting new people, there is something incredibly satisfying about this state of being. There is a distinct pleasure in not having to tell someone your plans before you have them in stone, or being required to make plans at all, or be expected to call, talk, see, or do anything with or for anyone, at any time.
Of course I would eventually like to date someone again and have a “girlfriend.” I am genuinely interested in the idea of a pursuing a monogamous relationship that has the potential to “go somewhere.” That being said, at the prime age of 28 and interested in women of a similar age—what the hell am I going for at this point? Most women my age (that I am actually interested in) appear to be looking for a potential “life partner.” They are sizing you up as a father and long-term mate from day one. Courtship at this age is (at least subtly) similar to an interview for a job you were not sure you applied for, and even less sure that you want. We are not just having fun anymore gentleman, this is serious business.
Did you just step on her cat by accident? Congrats, she thinks you are going to step on your children. Make a late/dangerous exit on the freeway? Well, good job, you are going to kill the entire family in a car accident, asshole. Wait a second, you didn’t get the memo? When did you suddenly become a future father? Day one, my friend, day one. The moment she thought you might be serious about this relationship with her in 2009, you started attending parent teacher conferences with her in 2020.
I don’t want to be a father right now. Not forever, right now. That means I don’t want to be responsible for my future mystery children right now as well. How the fuck does my behavior in 2009 represent, in any way, how I am going to behave if I have children and am responsible for another life? I get that children change everything, as I expect them to, just don’t expect me start acting like someones father until I have an actual one of my own.
So where do we go from here, gentlemen? Do we act the part before it is even remotely necessary to do so? Or do we fight for our right to have fun and step on our imaginary children? Answer: Are you serious? I have no idea, I am the 28-year-old single dude with no prospects.